Write a first sentence to get rid of the blank page fear.
Yes, step one is completed. Phew. Feeling so much better now. (No, not really.)
Ok, so I’m just going to type it here, like I’m thinking it. Or like it comes to me, that is probably better. And I realize that writing in English might cause some grammar and/or spelling mistakes, but if I don’t do anything, I can’t learn it, right? Ok, perhaps I should probably take a look at some books to be on the safe side. In fiction books I sometimes find those mistakes. Or I read a sentence and inside I’m cringing. (I mostly read in English.)
And after reading this first paragraph, it hits me that there were a lot of ‘I’s…
After a first sentence, well actually before, you should have an idea what you want to express. (Is the use of ‘you’ after the use of ‘I’ confusing? Hmm. Need to work on that too.)
First of all, my blog was sadly abandoned. I’m really sorry. After several rather good months, the winter-blues got me and it all went downhill. It’s the end of May and I’m finally (FINALLY) crawling back up. Of course some stuff happened, and it influenced me in ways and I tried to learn from it. As life is supposed to be, I think. But the blues was a lot longer than the previous years, or perhaps it just seems like that to me. (Being objective about yourself is not easy.)
I (and someone else) gave a workshop of bookbinding at a local center. I tried to date, but it didn’t end very well. (We’re better in a friend-relationship since I still have a lot of issues to work out concerning intimacy and the stuff around it.) What else happened? I had a best friend and we kind of grew apart… And I went full-on avoidance-mode after that. (Avoiding people, avoiding reality as much as was possible and also avoiding creativity, which is actually a large part of myself. So I just practically avoided myself = in short. I advise you NOT do that. I don’t care it sounds weird, but DON’T do that!!)
The result of all that avoiding: a wacked up sleep (not that it ever was good to begin with, it’s been like that for years), gaining weight (because losing weight would be too easy), losing my independence when it comes to going outside (high anxiety-levels and being tired All The Time), uncertainty about my writing capabilities (because surely I have never written anything good), non-existent art (hello expensive, drying art materials), low self-esteem (it just flushed down the toilet, I think) and my perspective on life seems to be more negative than it was before (it was never really a 100% positive though).
So, I think there is a change needed. Like a big change. Like a enormous change. Like a gigantic change.(Yes, I’ll stop now.) And I’ve been brainstorming on an Action-plan. (Yes I’m very good with theory, I just need to implement the practice.)
- Regular sleeping pattern and healthy food.
- Anxiety-exercises (monitoring anxiety responses before, during and after an exercise)
- Physical exercise (XBX: advised by someone, and some yoga)
- Writing exercises (or perhaps some art) to gain access to blocked feelings and mental issues
Seems like a good plan right? The trick will be to ease into this. Not go on full kamikaze and crash after two weeks. That’s not really productive, is it?
Oh, and don’t forget pauses. For relaxation and hobbies. Very important to keep a balanced schedule. (Not all work and no play.)
Of course I will have to keep you updated. I mean, I can’t just start this post and disappear from the blogosphere again, right?
I won’t promise to update every day, because I’m not sure if I’ll make that, but I’ll do a weekly check-in? (And if I post more, no harm done!)
So I’ll see you next Saturday evening!