I wish you…
I wish you wealth, inspiration, and luck.
All the good things, just for you. And you. Yes, you too!
Have an amazing first day!
Love,
Mieke
(This was crossposted on my substack.)
Who’s behind helina.be?
Seems like an easy enough question to answer, isn’t it?
If only that was true…
(This short sentence got me thinking about the ‘was versus were’ and I found an answer to it over here: link to strategiesforparents.com)
Sometimes I feel like an alien on this planet…
Which seems, after rereading this myself, quite overly dramatic. It kind of is, but it’s not at the same time. I know that might seem confusing, but I think I will clear that up, hopefully. (On the other hand, it could also just become worse. Just kidding, I hope!)
Let’s start with some basics, shall we?
I was born on a sunny Friday afternoon on the 5th day of August in 1983. It stands to reason that I chose that time, simply because being born was hard work and I desperately needed the weekend to recuperate.
To be honest, I made that last part up, but since I’m a Leo (fire), it could be true! And to dig deep into the wonder of being born and what that could possibly mean: Scorpio (water) ascendant. Plus, curious and pondering so many exciting possibilities to learn from: Gemini (air).
So yes, I’m in the last month of my 39th life year, slightly overweight, long fine sleek dark brown hair and wearing purple rimmed glasses.
I can be stubborn, cheeky, see the good in almost every person, don’t like superficial conversations, try to see the positive side of most things, soft and warm but also hard and cold.
I sometimes describe myself as an onion…It takes a while and effort to get through the initial layers of my personality, but if people are willing to accept me for who I am, they will discover a whole other side to me that they had only glimpses of before. I’m fiercely loyal, protective and supportive of my friends. But I do have my moments where I retreat back into my own little world, so I can recharge from all the turbulent thoughts and feelings. I then take time to analyze and process to reemerge with the next gameplan.
I could have overwhelmed you with a list of traits, but I figure, if you are going to follow along with me on this ‘not-yet-defined’ journey, you’ll find that out for yourselves!
Mental health wise, I have been diagnosed with (complex) post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and since a few short months, with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and ADHD. (More about this will be ‘unveiled’ at a later date.)
And what do I like to do in my spare time? Glad you asked! (I know you didn’t ask, but I’m telling you anyway!)
I refer to myself as a creative person. Not necessarily a writer, not really an artist either, or poet or songwriter, or anything else.
What does that mean? I do all kinds of creative ‘stuff’, such as journaling, fiction writing, some poems, even some songs, but also, sketching, painting, making my own books, or repurposing an already existing book. And I’ve made my own sort of Life-binder, so I can keep up to date with everything that is going on in my life.
The importance of creativity for all aspects of my life and examples of my creative adventures I’ll provide you later. (Pictures most likely, but also maybe a video? We’ll see.)
Reading is also a favorite hobby. When I delve into fiction I like to get lost in paranormal and urban fantasy worlds (you know: shifters, witches, vampires, fae, demons, etc.) but also some science fiction ones. (If there happen to be some spicy, clutch-your-pearls scenes, the better!) (I’ve started reading some Omegaverse stories and oh boy the things you read…) (Stop getting side-tracked.)
Non-fiction I mostly read books (or articles) concerning mental health (psychology), self-care, some spirituality ones too, writing, and any other topic I come across that suddenly appeals to any of my many brain-gremlins.
Pfew, that was quite a lot, wasn’t it?
I hope I haven’t overwhelmed you too much with all of … *waves hands around herself* this.
It definitely was quite a fun workout for my brain! (And it also added more topics to my ‘Blogpost’ list, yaye!)
Have a wonderful day and till next time!
Before jumping into my why, I was curious about the meaning of ‘helina’ on the internet. It has been known to happen, that I can get sidetracked by the smallest things…
On Google, I found that ‘helina’ has to do with bugs…Flies to be exact. (This is not why I chose the name!)
And again on Google I found that ‘helina’ also is apparently an asteroid: ‘1075 Helina‘ from the outer regions of the asteroid belt (around the sun), about 34 kilometers (21 miles) in diameter. It was discovered in 1926. (Again, not the reason why I chose the name.)
My memory provided me with another tidbit: while I already had my blog, another person from Belgium (where I am located) used the nickname Helina D to recount her dating tales. This wasn’t me, although I have to admit, I at one point, had a few other blogs to write about different topics.
I came up with ‘Helina, the Little Dreamer’ when I was 19 years old. (It also coincided with the nickname Little Phantom. Almost like two sides of a coin: one lighter, one darker. But more on that in another post)
After a tumultuous time I was living in a completely different city, away from anything familiar and I needed a place to record my experiences and wanted to share them with a couple of friends.
At that point I had already tried to set up my own website via Yahoo, but it took me quite a bit of time to learn how Frontpage worked and how to incorporate the ideas I had in my head.
I had also explored different blogging services, but still felt like they came up short.
During the time from when I legally became an adult (which is 18 in Belgium) and I managed to restart my life in a different part of the country about a year later, I met several people and their pets.
One of those pets, was a cat, a hairless cat: a Sphynx cat called Luna. Her birth certificate stated Heluna.
The hairlessness is a natural occurring mutation and the Sphynx was developed through selective breeding of these felines, starting in the 1960’s. Link to wiki Sphynx cat. And of course I had to check out the other wiki page about Sphinx too. Brain-gremlins just had to take another trip!)
Luna loved to be on my lap and rest there for hours on end and oh boy if someone tried to come close to me. She was very protective of my personal space and growled, hissed and attacked people to make sure she and I were left in peace.
She was the one who first introduced me to the concept of boundaries. Yes, even after 18 years, the concept of ‘boundaries’ was completely foreign to me. (A tale for another time.)
She made me hope and dream about a better future for myself, one where I could actually BE myself and not fit into a mould other people expected from me.
Which is why it took me another half year, before I actually managed to extract myself from the situation I was in, determined to restart my life in a different part of the country.
What people forget to mention when they move to a different part of the country, is that the location is a nice first step to take, if you really need to start over, but not the only one.
But from then on, did the healing of ‘Helina, the Little Dreamer’ take its first step!
Looking back now, it was an amazing, but terrifying start. Oh boy, many a panic attacks have happened between then and now.
Do I still have them, you wonder? Yes, unfortunately I still do, but I have learned different strategies to deal with them too.
More about the panic, and other things, I’ll share at another time.
But I’m so grateful for that silly small cat, teaching me, it is ok to stand up for myself and take notice of my boundaries. (It took quite a few years for me to hear the message and now it’s a work in progress.)
Hope you have a very nice day and till next time!
*’To begin an activity that has been suspended for a long time; to return to something after a long time, especially when there is a need to regain former familiarity or facility.’* (Source Wiktionary.org)
It really has been quite a long time, since I’ve taken the time to make some new posts here. In my defense (not that I’m on trial), life threw me some curveballs and I wasn’t quite sure how to deal with those.
So here I am, about 18 months later, typing away on my old trusty notebook.
I’m using Writemonkey, which has a distraction free mode. You can choose your own colours for background and font. Mine are: black background and a light blue font and the best feature imho is the sounds that accompany my typing: the sound of a typewriter! It may sound silly, but hearing the typewriter noises makes me feel more productive! As if I’m actually accomplishing what I planned out to do.
And the question is of course: what have I planned?
The answer to that question is not completely clear yet.
My blog (and site) will grow organically with me, while I explore different topics.
But, I have set a challenge for myself to write every day in July. I will track it via Camp NaNoWriMo. You can see that here.
The goal is a minimum of 10.000 words in 31 days. That would be 323 words in a day. Seems doable, right?
At least I think so. Now if only I can make sure that I won’t get distracted by 101 things…
So far my distractions have been:
– figuring out a way to sync my files to the cloud and bypassing the fact that my notebook has no support for google drive. That was a lot of fun…not really! It took about one hour and a half of my time. (But hey, I managed to make it work, woohoo!)
– adorable distractions of my cat. He does like to tempt fate by wanting to test out electric cables.
– loud and obnoxious children outside. The heatwave in Belgium might be gone, but there is too much warmth left in my apartment; windows need to be open to get some cooler, fresh air in.
– and let’s not forget the thoughts that swirl around In my head, but try to ignore, so I can accomplish my mini-goal of the day!
Tomorrow I’ll be working on the post about the name of my domain. How it came to be, what it means to me now, what it meant when I chose it and what it could mean in the future.
Have a good rest of your day and see you next time!
Isn’t it wonderful how books can open your eyes and mind to a whole new world?
With the changing of the season, when temperatures are declining and sunlight seems so sparse, I have followed my urge to escape into some books. (Which you might have noticed from previous posts.)
The urge comes and goes, ebbs and flows, depending on the season, or how I am feeling.
When everything seems just a little too harsh, a little too sharp, delving into another world, sometimes helps me to breathe a little easier and a little deeper. It sort of seems like I put myself in some sort of time-out. Almost like I’m recharging my inner world so I can cope better with the outside one.
It is also a balancing act.
Some days or weeks I would rather just stay inside a fictional world than have to cope with reality.
And that is where I’m at for the last couple of days. Thinking, feeling and trying to put my thoughts in this post, has made me come to this realization. A lot of words have come up this screen and have been erased…
The most important part however, is that I have managed to shed some light in the murky waters. I recognize where I was headed. And It is not where I want to end up.
That is all the ‘feely-things’ for now…
All my best,
Mieke
English