Before jumping into my why, I was curious about the meaning of ‘helina’ on the internet. It has been known to happen, that I can get sidetracked by the smallest things…
On Google, I found that ‘helina’ has to do with bugs…Flies to be exact. (This is not why I chose the name!)
And again on Google I found that ‘helina’ also is apparently an asteroid: ‘1075 Helina‘ from the outer regions of the asteroid belt (around the sun), about 34 kilometers (21 miles) in diameter. It was discovered in 1926. (Again, not the reason why I chose the name.)
My memory provided me with another tidbit: while I already had my blog, another person from Belgium (where I am located) used the nickname Helina D to recount her dating tales. This wasn’t me, although I have to admit, I at one point, had a few other blogs to write about different topics.
I came up with ‘Helina, the Little Dreamer’ when I was 19 years old. (It also coincided with the nickname Little Phantom. Almost like two sides of a coin: one lighter, one darker. But more on that in another post)
After a tumultuous time I was living in a completely different city, away from anything familiar and I needed a place to record my experiences and wanted to share them with a couple of friends.
At that point I had already tried to set up my own website via Yahoo, but it took me quite a bit of time to learn how Frontpage worked and how to incorporate the ideas I had in my head.
I had also explored different blogging services, but still felt like they came up short.
During the time from when I legally became an adult (which is 18 in Belgium) and I managed to restart my life in a different part of the country about a year later, I met several people and their pets.
One of those pets, was a cat, a hairless cat: a Sphynx cat called Luna. Her birth certificate stated Heluna.
The hairlessness is a natural occurring mutation and the Sphynx was developed through selective breeding of these felines, starting in the 1960’s. Link to wiki Sphynx cat. And of course I had to check out the other wiki page about Sphinx too. Brain-gremlins just had to take another trip!)
Luna loved to be on my lap and rest there for hours on end and oh boy if someone tried to come close to me. She was very protective of my personal space and growled, hissed and attacked people to make sure she and I were left in peace.
She was the one who first introduced me to the concept of boundaries. Yes, even after 18 years, the concept of ‘boundaries’ was completely foreign to me. (A tale for another time.)
She made me hope and dream about a better future for myself, one where I could actually BE myself and not fit into a mould other people expected from me.
Which is why it took me another half year, before I actually managed to extract myself from the situation I was in, determined to restart my life in a different part of the country.
What people forget to mention when they move to a different part of the country, is that the location is a nice first step to take, if you really need to start over, but not the only one.
But from then on, did the healing of ‘Helina, the Little Dreamer’ take its first step!
Looking back now, it was an amazing, but terrifying start. Oh boy, many a panic attacks have happened between then and now.
Do I still have them, you wonder? Yes, unfortunately I still do, but I have learned different strategies to deal with them too.
More about the panic, and other things, I’ll share at another time.
But I’m so grateful for that silly small cat, teaching me, it is ok to stand up for myself and take notice of my boundaries. (It took quite a few years for me to hear the message and now it’s a work in progress.)
Hope you have a very nice day and till next time!